Raising a Tween Is Hard … But So Is Being a Tween.
Well, what d’ya know…
There’s a new kid in your family you could swear you’ve never met!
By definition, she’s a tween, that is, not quite a teen but most definitely not your sweet, happy, sassy little princess.
She just seems … different. No longer excited about discovering the wonder of books.
And you’re pulling your hair out to find ways to rekindle her passion … to get her excited about reading again.
Understanding Tweens
These tween years – roughly between 8 and 12 years old – are awash with paradox.
On the one hand, your child is determined to assert her independence and bond with her friends, rather than engage with the adults in her life.
But the thing is, as she fights valiantly to be accepted, to be liked, and valued, by her peers, she desperately craves her supportive family structure, the unconditionally loving embrace of her parents.
Trouble is … she fears she can’t have both.
Let’s Further Scrutinize the Tween Paradox …
Endless Tik-Tok videos, Gaming, such as Minecraft and Roblox … the life of a Middle Schooler is action-packed and frenetic.
Being accepted, becoming popular, and fitting in have become her ultimate measure of success. Her loyalty is no longer to family.
Middle School brings with it a host of challenges
Gone is the sanctity of a dedicated, assigned classroom. Your brave little pioneer now flits from class to class, each with a different teacher, as each new subject demands.
She slips into place effortlessly with some, but is taken aback to find that other teachers seem not to like her …
… crushing her self-esteem and confidence.
Transformation, the New Normal
To make matters worse, her foray into the tween years has coincided flawlessly with significant physical changes.
Young girls may start to develop breasts. Their periods may begin. Young boys’ voices may begin to deepen. And dramatic growth spurts take place with both.
As if feeling awkward in a new school environment wasn’t enough, your middle schoolers begin to feel uncomfortable in their own bodies.
A Seismic Shift in Mindset
Perhaps the biggest transformation is in the way your tween thinks.
While remaining essentially self-absorbed as little kids, tweens, on the other hand, are more concerned with what others think about them. They want to fit in and be part of the group. Any indication that they’re being left out results in feelings of inadequacy and insecurity.
This is when bullying at school rears its ugly head in earnest, further exacerbating your tween’s already fragile self-image.
So … How Can We Nudge the Focus Back to Reading?
Is it any wonder then that, in this fraught period of monumental shifts in your tween’s physical, social, emotional, and cognitive development, the easy enjoyment of reading a book falls by the wayside?
Truth be told … It’s unsurprising and quite understandable.
So, how can we fix this?
Time to Get with the Program … Once More
Despite the turbulence of the tween years, a steady reading habit remains as essential now to your tween’s routine – and cognitive development – as it was in elementary school.
This is when your child reads for knowledge, as well as to expand her range of interests, and to discover her strength in any particular area of the school curriculum.
Here Are a Few Tips to Get You Started:
- Allow your child to choose a book that interests her, rather than compel her to read a particular book.
- Ensure that her reading experience is fun. If it isn’t, then calmly and patiently, let her choose another book … until she identifies just the right one.
- Be sure to read a few pages of the book yourself, so that you and your tween can summarize passages, sequence events, and engage in critical analysis of the book.
- Subscribe to magazines that will interest her. Or visit your local library to explore their magazine collection.
- Incorporate engaging activities, such as read-alouds or discussions.
- Create an inviting reading nook for her that she loves, that’s well-lit and comfortable.
- Try out multiple formats of a book. Remember, it doesn’t have to be a chapter book! If your tween remains reluctant to wade through a chapter book, then allow some flexibility and encourage her to read her favorite graphic novels or listen to e-books. The aim here is to just get her reading … and enjoying the experience.
- Help your tween start a book club with her friends or classmates to discuss recent books they’ve read and share perspectives.
- Encourage your middle schooler to read to a younger sibling. The choice of book will be way below her competency level, of course, but her younger sibling’s delight in the book reading process might just become contagious!
- Try not to be too rigid in your expectations. Allow your tween to re-read her favorite books, even if she has read them numerous times before. Who knows … she might just discover some new angle that she missed the first few times.
- Play games that incorporate reading in your family game night. Your tween might enjoy Scrabble, Boggle, or simple crossword puzzles.
- Encourage journaling. This allows your child to fine-tune her book-reviewing skills, and to think critically.
- Check out books based on her favorite movie or TV show. Chances are if she loved the media event, she would agree to explore the printed version.
- Set up reading goals or challenges, with rewards for reaching milestones.
- The important thing is to persist patiently and gently … and never give up.
You Can Do This, Mom!
There’s no doubt that the Middle School Tween experience is tough for your kid … and for you.
Intense mood swings come with the package. One day your tween texts her bestie, “You’re my best friend EVER.”
Then, to your astonishment, she arrives home the next day, crying and agitated, and announces, “She’s not my friend anymore, EVER!”
This is the exciting, yet scary, new territory your kid is navigating every day.
Allow yourself to take a deep breath, as you whisper …
This too shall pass!
Your job is to maintain your normal routine as much as possible, and not allow yourself to become derailed or to panic.
And reading must remain an integral part of this normal routine.
Your kid will thank you in years to come!
Barbara Ann Elder Kids' Books 